If you have clicked onto this page, chances are you have experienced a loss of someone you love or something important and are in the midst of trying to cope with the many feelings that come up for you. Losing someone or something can be incredibly painful and complex. It may feel like the intensity of the emotions you are experiencing may never let up. Sometimes, the support offered by well-meaning friends and family feels inadequate and empty. Many people, in “wanting to make you feel better”, just don’t always know what to say, and can say things that are cliché or feel hurtful, not helpful. It’s not that they mean to hurt you; they just are unable to empathize with what you are experiencing.

Grief is a normal and a natural reaction of emotions that accompany a loss in your life. Every loss is unique: the loss of a parent, a child, an adult child, a sibling, a spouse, a miscarriage, an abortion, a friend, a partner, or a family pet. Some grief and loss is not about a person, but a relationship or an event like through divorce, a job loss, a child going to college, moving, or a physical change. Since every relationship is unique, your grief will also be intensely personal and unique to you. You can’t compare your grief to someone else’s. Others cannot judge your grieving process. The more significant the relationship the more intense your grief is likely to be. Your grief may be immediate after the loss, or it may be delayed.

Everyone grieves in their own way. However, there are some fairly universal reactions to grief. These include, but are not limited to:

• a range of feelings: shock, anger, bitterness, sadness, depression, fear, guilt, anguish, and/or despair
• sensations of distress in your body, (such as tightening of your throat, choking, shortness of breath, the need for sighing)
• feeling lost
• intense preoccupation with the image of the deceased
• intrusive memories
• responding to others with anger and irritability
• experiencing disoriented behavior
• restlessness or an inability to move
• confusion.
• difficulty with concentration or organization
• a yearning for the individual
• being “visited” by the deceased.
• loneliness
• a lack of connectedness with other people/detachment

But, the capacity to express your thoughts and emotions is critical in your recovery and healing. Some of these feelings of discomfort can be alleviated simply by mentioning and talking about the loved one and receiving sympathy.

The duration of the grieving process and the period when each person feels like they are adjusting to a new normal, depends on a number of things. These include your personality type, your support system, the relationship you had to the person, your spiritual beliefs, and your ability to express your emotions. For some people grief work can be a relatively quick process, lasting just a couple of months. That is not to say they don’t continue to think about or feel sad for the loss of that person in this earthly life, but that they are able to come to terms with their feelings and the loss. For other people, grief work may be more prolonged or complicated. For them, their grief work may take many, many months or even years.

Grief work is difficult and painful because of the feelings that get stirred up. Most people try to avoid the intense pain and expression of the feelings associated with it. This is just the opposite of what needs to occur for healing. The memory of the loss needs to be talked about with someone you can trust and can offer support to you at this painful time. Sharing your feelings and acknowledging the pain of what you experience brings out the feelings that are pushed down. Sharing these burdens with another lightens the load. As they come forth it lightens the heaviness, and over time they become more manageable. Grieving with others is usually a very important part of the healing process. This doesn’t mean the feelings of grief go away. Life changes after loss. There may be things that trigger them: a holiday, an anniversary, a movie, a commercial, a song, a photo, or a memory. The pain of the loss may never go away, but it loses the central focus of your life. You begin to have a new normal, which has been affected by this loss.

Many people in our culture want to rush the grieving process and there may be some well-meaning loved ones who want to rush you in this process. They may not be comfortable with your sadness, and want you to be “back to normal”. They may tire of listening to your stories, or memories, or how you feel. Sadness, anger, and the empty spot in your heart are all very normal reactions. These may seem to take up too much of your life, longer than you thought or expected, and you may feel “stuck”. Some of your feelings may be confusing and difficult to pinpoint. That may be because you have not been able to express your emotions adequately and are expressing multiple emotions all at once. It may be time to come in and talk with a professional. Why is it important to express your feelings? Because through expressing your feeling you connect with another human being. Once out of your head, it produces more clarity, and understanding, not only to yourself but to others. It provides more information, so others can enter into your world, and they can offer empathy and compassion to you. I want to be there with you.

I invite you to call me at 303-514-4732 for a free consultation.